Raising issues on divorce, remarrying and step-parenting in the context of Nepalese culture
This is just scratching the surface and it was absolutely vital that someone started a conversation regarding this. I’ve heard, seen, witnessed and first-hand experienced an unthinkable wrath from Nepali people in Australia towards people who simply choose to end a relationship.
Divorce involves two people and therefore it should invariably be their choice and decision, and it should be an amicable procedure just like marriage is (unless there’s abuse and violence involved). But Nepali society, regardless of where they are (be it Australia or Nepal) have traditionally only pointed fingers at women divorcees, thus making it a taint that lasts a lifetime.
Divorcees of Nepali decent have been spat on, abandoned and shamed by the intertwined circle of friends and family. Unless and until Nepali people consider the issue of divorce as a normal course of life for couples who deem it irrevocable, question of remarrying cannot be addressed. A society that doesn’t see divorce as a progressive change to one’s marital status, a society that doesn’t consider divorce to be far more safer option than having a violent or life-threatening end, it cannot even fathom the notion of re-companionship in that same lifetime. You can only imagine the wrath of such constricted mindset like that of our Nepali people when a divorced woman dares to open up to the idea of dating and/or remarrying.
It’s a long way for Nepalese women worldwide to freely choose their partners as they want, when they want, how they want, be it pre-wedding or post-divorce.
Ground reality is that men are freer to remarry because they don’t necessarily take on the responsibilities of bringing up kids and therefore women are conditioned to focus on kids rather than looking after their need for companionship. Another brilliant topic to raise and discuss is the concept of step-parents in Nepali society.
Having created a blended family myself, I can certainly point out that it takes humungous fortitude for a Nepali born man to even contemplate the idea of marrying a divorcee with her kids in tow. I’m still copping name-callings and wearing a hat of “son-snatcher” as if men can’t make their own decisions, as if men who choose progressive women were merely duped into it.
In most western society, being with a person, regardless of each partner’s previous marital status, regardless of their kids from previous relationship, takes priority. Western society, in general, with some exceptions, are open to such relationships because love, companionship and a peaceful home is far more important than coping with societal accusations or step-parental awkwardness. As for Nepali step-parents, society makes it sound awkward, as if being a parent completely rules out the need for anything else, as if kids from another relationship automatically invalidate and threaten current companionship. The day our Nepali mindsets know how to grapple with relationships in dynamic roles, it’ll be the beginning of normalcy in supporting broken homes and restarting companionship.
In the past, some men have argued and tried to present a “rounded view” in this topic but honestly speaking women haven’t even been treated and seen “in par” with men in Nepali context so rounded view and equal perspective is a far off subject yet.
Why isn’t there a big kerfuffle when a man marries another woman in a very short while after being widowed or divorced? Why is there incomprehensible gasps and gossips if that was to be initiated by a widow or a woman divorcee?? There’s a lopsided support for men in general in our Nepali context that’s why.
As for men being labelled incompetent if he were to be ditched by his partner, yes that might be true for some but nonetheless their parents don’t discard and disown them just because of that whereas a woman is likely disowned by her own parents for even contemplating separation from her partner on valid grounds. We have seen and heard many such cases. If the disparity is already there, we need to talk more on how to close that gap on gender perspectives first before moving on about similar plights. Moreover a single dad would almost always have his parents helping him raise his kids as opposed to single mothers who have to toil hard on her own especially when her own family has given up on her after separation.
This would be an endless debate but glad it’s getting some much needed limelight through similar recent posts. And yes society is made up of people like us so next time if anyone from our family do decide to go separate ways, we as individuals need to support and accept that and create the society within ourselves. Change starts from home.
You and I are trailblazers Kumar Sharma and our tremendous effort shouldn’t just be limited to ourselves. We need to be the voice of people who can’t speak for themselves. But if we try to present everything in a rounded way, those suffering would lose their faith. Men and women have always been treated differently and until there’s a balanced treatment and expectations, there won’t be a “balanced” acceptance.
Divorce involves two people and therefore it should invariably be their choice and decision, and it should be an amicable procedure just like marriage is (unless there’s abuse and violence involved). But Nepali society, regardless of where they are (be it Australia or Nepal) have traditionally only pointed fingers at women divorcees, thus making it a taint that lasts a lifetime.
Divorcees of Nepali decent have been spat on, abandoned and shamed by the intertwined circle of friends and family. Unless and until Nepali people consider the issue of divorce as a normal course of life for couples who deem it irrevocable, question of remarrying cannot be addressed. A society that doesn’t see divorce as a progressive change to one’s marital status, a society that doesn’t consider divorce to be far more safer option than having a violent or life-threatening end, it cannot even fathom the notion of re-companionship in that same lifetime. You can only imagine the wrath of such constricted mindset like that of our Nepali people when a divorced woman dares to open up to the idea of dating and/or remarrying.
It’s a long way for Nepalese women worldwide to freely choose their partners as they want, when they want, how they want, be it pre-wedding or post-divorce.
Ground reality is that men are freer to remarry because they don’t necessarily take on the responsibilities of bringing up kids and therefore women are conditioned to focus on kids rather than looking after their need for companionship. Another brilliant topic to raise and discuss is the concept of step-parents in Nepali society.
Having created a blended family myself, I can certainly point out that it takes humungous fortitude for a Nepali born man to even contemplate the idea of marrying a divorcee with her kids in tow. I’m still copping name-callings and wearing a hat of “son-snatcher” as if men can’t make their own decisions, as if men who choose progressive women were merely duped into it.
In most western society, being with a person, regardless of each partner’s previous marital status, regardless of their kids from previous relationship, takes priority. Western society, in general, with some exceptions, are open to such relationships because love, companionship and a peaceful home is far more important than coping with societal accusations or step-parental awkwardness. As for Nepali step-parents, society makes it sound awkward, as if being a parent completely rules out the need for anything else, as if kids from another relationship automatically invalidate and threaten current companionship. The day our Nepali mindsets know how to grapple with relationships in dynamic roles, it’ll be the beginning of normalcy in supporting broken homes and restarting companionship.
In the past, some men have argued and tried to present a “rounded view” in this topic but honestly speaking women haven’t even been treated and seen “in par” with men in Nepali context so rounded view and equal perspective is a far off subject yet.
Why isn’t there a big kerfuffle when a man marries another woman in a very short while after being widowed or divorced? Why is there incomprehensible gasps and gossips if that was to be initiated by a widow or a woman divorcee?? There’s a lopsided support for men in general in our Nepali context that’s why.
As for men being labelled incompetent if he were to be ditched by his partner, yes that might be true for some but nonetheless their parents don’t discard and disown them just because of that whereas a woman is likely disowned by her own parents for even contemplating separation from her partner on valid grounds. We have seen and heard many such cases. If the disparity is already there, we need to talk more on how to close that gap on gender perspectives first before moving on about similar plights. Moreover a single dad would almost always have his parents helping him raise his kids as opposed to single mothers who have to toil hard on her own especially when her own family has given up on her after separation.
This would be an endless debate but glad it’s getting some much needed limelight through similar recent posts. And yes society is made up of people like us so next time if anyone from our family do decide to go separate ways, we as individuals need to support and accept that and create the society within ourselves. Change starts from home.
You and I are trailblazers Kumar Sharma and our tremendous effort shouldn’t just be limited to ourselves. We need to be the voice of people who can’t speak for themselves. But if we try to present everything in a rounded way, those suffering would lose their faith. Men and women have always been treated differently and until there’s a balanced treatment and expectations, there won’t be a “balanced” acceptance.
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